Happy birthday to me.  What a present.  I got a call from Willow last night.  The doctors who looked at her back say that the main nerve to one of her legs it totally dead, and is not reparable.  She says this means she is going to have to be in her wheelchair permanently, and eventually will lose the circulation to that leg and have to have it amputated.    She thinks I don’t want a girlfriend who is so handicapped, and told me to find another one.  I don’t care.  I love you Willow.  No matter what.

And I’m 51 years old today.  Never thought I’d make it this far, but here I am.  Still living alone, but at least I’m where I want to be.  Have lots of hope for the future, except that Willow isn’t here.  I’m starting learning in two Wiccan groups, one Gardnerian, the other CUEW, although I haven’t been accepted in the CUEW group yet, I need to get busy and write my essay.  My online coven is still going, but has been having low attendance at class lately.  We have 38 members, you’d think we could get at least 4 or 5 people to show up for class.  We have our coven t-shirts now, and they’re beautiful, but it’s kind of pyrrhic if nobody wants to be in the group.

Holiday season is always depressing.  I went to the doctor today, and she gave me the same old sales pitch about how I need a primary care physician, need to be eating better, need to be exercising more, wanted to increase my medication.

I got a surprise in my email.  I’ve been talking to someone in email who sounded like she knew me, but I had no idea where.  Never heard the name before.  After 4 emails, she dropped enough clues that I figured out she was my 3rd wife, under a new name.  Nice that she thinks enough of me to rekindle the friendship; I like to think I’m a good person and all and would like to be friends with all those I have loved.  I don’t stop loving people, but stay out of their way as need be.  So now she’s Beth Harper, instead of Betty Bliss-Younger… good to hear that she’s monogamous, and getting the help she needs.  Wonder why it took me so long to figure out the clues…

John bought me a case of beer for my birthday, Michelob Amber Bock, the only commercial beer I really like.  Nothing like free beer to cheer me up a little.  John has been a good friend.  I missed going to Pagans’ Night Out last night, slept through it, just didn’t feel right.

Got my bills paid.  No money left.  The usual.  One of my credit card companies has charged me an overlimit fee each of the past 3 months, which is stupid since the only thing putting me over the limit is their finance charges and I’m paying them on time.  I told them to cancel the damned thing.  Hope I can figure out a way to get that one paid off early.

It’s a good thing I don’t have a car, I can’t afford one.  I used the last of last month’s laundry money to buy a book of bus tickets.  I really need two books to get through the month.  Oh well.

I’m weaning myself off the drugs in favor of lithium orotate and Xenadrine EFX.  So far so good.  Hope I can make it through the holidays in good shape.

Hope you’re having a better time than I am.

Huge hippo hugs,
Me