Kinda OK

I’m sort of recovering. I’ll be going to Thanksgiving Dinner with my Family in Pigeon Forge, and Sunshine will be there. We have lots of loving friends and I’m sure we’ll be OK — and if not, well, we’re each taking our own vehicle.

I’ve had phone calls and chats with friends, new and old. Yesterday started out weepy but I was feeling almost OK by the end of the day. I actually overslept this morning — I’ve been waking up somewhere around 11:30 and told a friend to call me after Noon… and she woke me at 12:30.

Just as I started typing the last paragraph, Sunshine called. I tried to be nice, but there are parts of being broken up that she’s not getting, and I don’t want more arguments over that.

To Sunshine: I am SO PROUD of you, you tried to break the cycle of abuse and find a non-abusive honey. Most women who have the history of abuse you’ve had never take that step.  You have another step yet to take: you still HEAR the language of abuse, no matter what I say. The language of abuse and the language of love are almost entirely different languages, even though they sometimes use the same sets of words; they are used entirely differently.

I’m not perfect. Sometimes I’m pretty good, sometimes less so. I may not be saying everything I think I’m saying. There are tools we can use to see if we’re hearing what the other is saying.

I love you, sweetie, but until you can hear options and things to work on instead of just the dire consequences, we can’t be together. I don’t want you harboring any fantasies about that. But as soon as you can learn to hear a helpful or loving comment and not try to make it into a hurtful one, we can work at getting back together.

I’ve edited this a number of times. I’m still not sure I’m saying what I want to say, but I know I love you and I know you love me. I hope some of it gets through.

Hugs,

Moss