I am not publishing this because I am gay.  I am publishing it
because it needs to be said.  Each of us is different — and the
label of the kind of different YOU are can easily be placed in almost
every one of the statements of the author below.  Please read, and
open your minds to love.

In my case, friends and family, you might use the words “a witch”,
“bipolar”, or anything else you know me to be, in place of “gay”.

Hugs,
Moss

I – LESSONS FROM FAMILY

I am not gay because I want to shame you. Though it may be so in your
eyes, that is not why I call myself your daughter… or your son.

I am not gay because I want to dishonor you, or because I do not want
to please you, or fail to give you reason to be proud of me – though
you may perceive it as so. I wish that I could live my life to make you
happy, but to do so would be at my expense – and that is not healthy
for either of us.

I am not gay to prove that you may only see what you want to see, for that is not my choice but yours.

I am not gay to cause you to worry, though there may be just cause, for
harassment and homophobia are realities, but I do not call myself I AM
to shrivel behind the fear of what might be.

I am not gay for you to trample on my heart and to ignore my attempts
to communicate who I am. Although you may perceive it as your parental
right, that is not why you may call me your son or daughter.

I am not gay to find pleasure in the fact that you fear me, but would
ask that you look beyond my sexuality as being an issue of right or
wrong; but rather as what is – the reality of our lives – whether
together, or apart.

II – LESSONS FROM ORGANIZED RELIGION

I am not gay just to claim that you are intolerant, though you may deny
it is so. For I believe the creator loves all people equally – not one
race above another, not one religion above another, not one person
above another.

I am not gay to be in need of being saved or corrected when you think
that you are wiser than I and can now somehow speak for and use the
self-imposed, privileged argument called “GOD”. Though you may think
that this is your special calling or divine right, and may perceive it
as such; your words spoken largely out of fear, are just words, your
opinion. For who I truly am is holy and my path sacred – only I can
walk therein and divinely know that what I travel is true and good.

I am not gay to ask for people’s scorn, or for their pity, though you
may perceive that I am now deceived and have somehow lost my way from
the one-and-only-true-path-to-god, I assure that the path I walk is
truly one of peace and love.

I am not gay to find pleasure in rebelling against the family’s
way-of-life, the religious mandates for over four generations, etched
deeply in our identity, the essence of who we have been, and for some –
who we will always be. I am not gay to cause you grief because I no
longer call myself a Christian, and that is not why I call myself
enlightened. And although I do not agree with all that you taught me, I
honor your right to live your lives as you see fit for your highest
good. Please understand that your idea of what the highest good is for
me, is not necessarily the same in my eyes. I ask for your blessing in
living my life as I create and claim my own happiness.

I am not gay to be a sinner, or the devil, or the scapegoat for all the
perceived immoral pitfalls of society. Though you may perceive it to be
so, I have found that happiness lies within one’s self, in seeking
personal responsibility in all aspects of one’s life, and in not
blaming someone or something else for one’s perceived unhappiness. We
create what we experience.

I am not gay to try to snuff out organized religion, though you may act
as if the threat is great. I simply ask to question the function of
patriarchal rules, set to keep the sexes unbalanced, creating
oppression and inequality in the name of a controlling, often
condemning, human-made religion. Why can’t it be different?

I am not gay to enjoy being seen as a threat to a specific belief
system, but when society claims that I should not be allowed to freely
be and love as all people, then in truth I must say, this cannot be
tolerated.

III – LESSONS FROM SOCIETY

I am not gay to close my eyes to injustice, for I see and live in a world of injustice everyday.

I am not gay to crusade to recruit others to change their sexuality,
though you may trivialize orientation as merely a choice; but having
felt the difference in my life for years – and out of fear denied, I
offer compassion to those who recognize this sameness in themselves,
seeking to understand their path; and thus extend a ray of hope that
peace and spiritual wholeness can be found in accepting one’s self in
its divine totality.

I am not gay because I hate myself nor the opposite gender, though you
may perceive it as so. It is not why I choose to honor both the male
and female energies, nurturing balance within, thus embracing life as
whole and full of divine possibility.

I am not gay to threaten the love between a male and female, family or
kin– to negate in any way the beauty, health, and strength found in
loving relationships. I live everyday to embrace the benefits of divine
love in all aspects of our world, and as such declare myself worthy and
equal to the human race in freely expressing my need and right to love
and intimate connection.*

I am not gay because you say I desire to molest children. Though unjust
and empirically incorrect, you may claim it is so to create fear
through hysteria and ignorance.** I do not desire to love and nurture
children to cause them harm. My gift to them is to provide support, to
nurture their strengths and soul essences without condemnation of ways
in which they may differ from myself. For I deeply know the pain of
parental rejection and remember the saving phrase of the few non
judgmental adults in my growing-up years, “Who you are is okay, and we
love you exactly as you are.” ** The large majority of pedophiles are
heterosexual males perpetrating against female children. Gay people are
no more likely to molest children than are heterosexual people.

I am not gay to be seen as an inept parent, though you may claim this
is so. As in any family, it is a consistently loving and supportive
environment which fosters optimal growth in human beings – not one’s
sexual orientation.***

I am not gay to hide or believe that any part of my life is a mistake,
for I too am created and called “good” by the creator, and I refuse to
buy into the argument that I am biologically or spiritually inferior. I
am who I am supposed to be – a gift, a life in loving totality.

I am not gay to ignore that I can make a difference, though you may
wish that I remain unseen. For I claim the endowment, the perceptions
and keen awareness of being opposite-gendered, and as such see ways
where balance and wholeness are possible in our world, for I have found
it in myself first.

I am not gay because I fear the “wrath of god”, for I have only known
the sting of human condemnation, for the god within is love, and THAT
is why I honor who I AM!

* See Dean Ornish’s book Love and Survival, the Scientific Basis For the Healing Power of Intimacy, HarperCollins, 1998.

** See Out in all Directions, the Almanac of Gay and Lesbian America ;
Lynn Witt, Sherry Thomas, Eric Marcus eds,; “Most Common Myths” ,
Warner Books, p.359.

*** Ample studies, over 70 in one compilation, show that children of
homosexual parents are as healthy as children of heterosexual parents.
See Diversity, Boise, ID, May 1997.

Cristi Jenkins was raised in a four-generation Mormon family. She
received a BA in music and a Masters of Information and Library Science
from Brigham Young University. Heeding her higher self, after years of
devout service she resigned her membership with the LDS church,
embarking on a different spiritual path. As such this path has led her
to embrace the strengths of identifying as gay and as a lightworker.

Cristi writes a monthly column for DIVERSITY, a gay and lesbian
newspaper. She also enjoys composing music, woodworking and art. Her
goal is to utilize these gifts in creating peace, tolerance, and love
for all people and creations. Cristi currently resides in Vancouver, Wa
with her two dogs, Bud and Betsy.