Canadian
\nCrossings<\/p>\n
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into
\nCanada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased
\npatrols to stop the illegal immigration. The re-election of President Bush
\nis prompting the exodus among Left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll
\nsoon be required to hunt, pray and agree with Bill O’Reilly. <\/p>\n
Canadian
\nborder farmers say its not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
\nprofessors, animal rights activists and Unitarians crossing their
\nfields at night.
\n“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
\nproducer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red
\nGreenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. “The producer was cold,
\nexhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some
\nfree-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left. Didn’t even
\nget a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?” <\/p>\n
In an effort to stop the
\nillegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences but the liberals
\nscaled
\nthem. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across
\nthe fields. “Not real effective,” he said. “The liberals still
\ngot through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn’t give
\nmilk.”<\/p>\n
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near
\nthe Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them
\nacross the border and leave them to fend for themselves. “A lot of these
\npeople are not prepared for rugged conditions,” an Ontario border
\npatrolman said. “I found one carload without a drop of drinking water.
\nThey
\ndid have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though.” <\/p>\n
When liberals
\nare caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly
\nthat they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been
\ncirculating about the Bush administration establishing re-education
\ncamps in
\nwhich liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR. <\/p>\n
In
\nthe days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes
\ningenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as
\nsenior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs.
\nAfter catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs,
\nCanadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the
\nsupposed senior-citizen passengers. “If they can’t identify the
\naccordion
\nplayer on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age,”
\nan official said. <\/p>\n
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
\ncreating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan
\nSarandon movies. “I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian
\neconomy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said.
\n“How many art-history majors does one country need?” <\/p>\n
In an effort to
\nease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice-President Dick
\nCheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the
\nadministration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close
\nto Cheney said. “We’re going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary
\nconcerts.
\nAnd we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president
\nis determined to reach out.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Canadian Crossings The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among Left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray and agree with Bill O’Reilly. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1019","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1019","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1019"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1019\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1019"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1019"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1019"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}