I really feel lost right now. I don’t know how I feel about anything. I almost called in sick this morning, but couldn’t think of a good excuse. I started crying every time my honey said she loves me. I feel like I’m not working out at work, even though there has been nothing said which leads me to this feeling. I think I’m just having a period of depression and am seeing things where there isn’t anything to see. I’m sure I’ll work through it, but it would be nice to have a few days off … and don’t think I can without quitting or losing the job.<\/p>\n
This weekend was really rough, I was feeling totally wiped out from the time I headed for home on Friday and stayed that way all day Saturday. Sunday I had enough energy to get the laundry done, also dishes and catbox, and then felt out of it watching the day’s football games, although the Tennessee Titans game had enough exciting plays to keep me interested (and they won, which is always nice).<\/p>\n
A lot of it is financial stress. One of the people on my Family Plan with AT&T Mobility ran up the bill last month and this, and her payment, which she says she mailed Sept 4, has not yet come in. She has pulled her phone out of the Family Plan, but I had to use my alread-short paycheck to pay AT&T and can only hope I’ll be reimbursed. She is waiting for payment from her lawyer on an accidnet, should be any day now, and says she will next-day the money to me, but until it’s here I can’t count on it. Besides that, Social Security is taking $300 out of my next Disability check to pay my Medicare premiums, Sunshine has lost her $200 EBT (because I make too much money, ha), and we’re running up $400-500 per month in gasoline expense (charged to an ExxonMobil card, so far paid off in full each month so no interest charges). Just a little window into my world.<\/p>\n
I also received a letter Friday from Social Security saying that I can keep my check if I don’t earn more than $X (which I’m not), but with the caveat “if you can prove you are still disabled.” If I lose my job, that proves I’m still disabled… if I keep it, what is the proof? Their own regulations state that there is no cure for my disorder, and that the only treatment for it is drugs which I have not taken since late 2003, so there is no way I am cured… unless I was misdiagnosed? I’m sure many of you reading this know how hard it is to prove disability in the first place, and I’ve been drugged from the age of 12 to nearly 51 for one diagnosis or other. But you know bureaucrats. So I’m scared.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Hugs,<\/p>\n
Me<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I really feel lost right now. I don’t know how I feel about anything. I almost called in sick this morning, but couldn’t think of a good excuse. I started crying every time my honey said she loves me. I feel like I’m not working out at work, even though there has been nothing said […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-194","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/194","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=194"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/194\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=194"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=194"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=194"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}