{"id":374,"date":"2009-08-02T17:48:32","date_gmt":"2009-08-02T21:48:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/peacefulhippo.wordpress.com\/2009\/08\/02\/top-10-reasons-why-witches-dont-worship-satan\/"},"modified":"2009-08-02T17:48:32","modified_gmt":"2009-08-02T21:48:32","slug":"top-10-reasons-why-witches-dont-worship-satan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/2009\/08\/02\/top-10-reasons-why-witches-dont-worship-satan\/","title":{"rendered":"Top 10 Reasons Why Witches Don&#8217;t Worship Satan"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>TOP TEN REASONS WHY WITCHES DON&#8217;T WORSHIP SATAN <\/p>\n<p>10- Scorch marks on the furniture whenever Satan manifests. <br \/>9- Not even Lysol can mask the smell of brimstone. <br \/>8- Hard to keep flaming goat&#8217;s skulls lit. <br \/>7- Decreased availability of blonde virgins. <br \/>6- Blood stains from the sacrifices are *impossible* to get out of the carpet. <br \/>5- Wailing of the damned souls in hell keeps the neighbors awake. <br \/>4- The cats keep attacking Satan&#8217;s tail, which annoys him. <br \/>3- Repeated stooping motions for administering the Kiss of Shame (is difficult on the older coven members). <br \/>2- Demons smell even worse than brimstone <\/p>\n<p>AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY WITCHES DON&#8217;T WORSHIP SATAN&#8230;&#8230;.. <br \/>1- Impossible to worship something that doesn&#8217;t exist!! <\/p>\n<p>From http:\/\/www.fabrisia.com\/humor.htm<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>TOP TEN REASONS WHY WITCHES DON&#8217;T WORSHIP SATAN 10- Scorch marks on the furniture whenever Satan manifests. 9- Not even Lysol can mask the smell of brimstone. 8- Hard to keep flaming goat&#8217;s skulls lit. 7- Decreased availability of blonde virgins. 6- Blood stains from the sacrifices are *impossible* to get out of the carpet. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-374","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/374","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=374"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/374\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=374"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=374"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=374"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}