**************************
\nColleen-Joy Page – Soul Lessons
\nMr and Mrs Fixit \u2013 How to make a real difference.
\n**************************<\/p>\n
I thought I’d send you an extra bonus length lesson this month, because its such an important topic.<\/p>\n
Are you a Fixit? In other words, are you someone who tries to help
\nothers or wants to make a difference but then feels the frustration of
\njust how big a job you always seem to have? This more challenging soul
\nlesson, will explore these two important questions…<\/p>\n
Ask yourself:<\/p>\n
1. Why do you want to help?<\/p>\n
2. How can you make a real difference?<\/p>\n
I do hope that this lesson gives you insight and a fuller
\nunderstanding, so that you can make the difference your heart calls you
\nto make without losing your self to being a “fixit”.<\/p>\n
************************** Let\u2019s get deep into the truth so that it frees us to make the difference we want to make. There are 3 fear-based \u201cmake it go-away\u201d solutions and 1 soul-based solution. Now does it really work to help from this inner motivation? When the When others try to fix you and you sense their deeper feelings of All aspects of the physical world exist in polarities, in opposites. * We help, in order not to hurt. To be a helper is to carry the fear and pain of failure. When we are When you are in \u201cHelp\u201d mode, you are externally focussed. You are We\u2019ve all being doing the best we could with the tools we\u2019ve had and 1. Look after your wholeness. Work on your suppressed qualities and Don\u2019t be a jigsaw helping from the darkness of your holes.<\/p>\n Love yourself free, and you will be a light that reminds others of the light within themselves. An apple tree doesn\u2019t help, it doesn\u2019t try to fix others by \u201cgiving\u201d An apple tree isn\u2019t giving, it isn\u2019t helping. It is being true to Colleen-Joy Page<\/p>\n Founder, The Academy of Metaphysics P.S. P.S.S. To find out about my InnerLifeSkills interactive CD and workbook home ************************** Colleen-Joy Page – Soul Lessons Mr and Mrs Fixit \u2013 How to make a real difference. ************************** I thought I’d send you an extra bonus length lesson this month, because its such an important topic. Are you a Fixit? In other words, are you someone who tries to help others or wants to make […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-648","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/648","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=648"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/648\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=648"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=648"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=648"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nMr and Mrs Fixit \u2013 How to make a real difference.
\nby Colleen-Joy Page
\n**************************
\nMr and Mrs Fixit \u2013 How to make a real difference.<\/span>
\n
\n\u00b7 You see someone in pain and you want to help them.
\n\u00b7 You look at the world and are moved by sadness to try to fix what you see.
\n\u00b7 \u201cIf only they would listen to me, I have the solutions, I
\nknow what they should do to heal, to be happy\u201d are the thoughts that
\nrun through your mind and tug at your heart.
\n\u00b7 \u201cI want my life to have meaning and purpose, I want to make a
\ndifference and not die before I\u2019ve done something of significance in
\nthe world\u201d you hear your inner plea.
\n
\nThese are the inner callings of many of us. Many who are drawn to
\nmetaphysics and spirituality are drawn out of these inner promptings.
\nLet\u2019s look deeply at \u201ctrying to help\u201d, \u201ctrying to fix\u201d and exactly what
\nit takes to make a real difference in the lives of others.
\n
\nPicture this. You are in an audience listening to a teacher. The
\nteacher then finds the shyest person in the group. She tells the shy
\nperson to come and stand in front. She instructs everyone including the
\nshy person to say nothing, but to be in silence and just to look at
\neach other. The teacher then steps aside and you are left to look at
\nthe pain of the shy person who is visibly shrinking before your eyes.
\nImagine this situation and identify how you would feel. Then answer
\nthis:
\n\u00b7 How do you feel towards the shy person up front?
\n\u00b7 How do you feel about the teacher?
\n\u00b7 Do you feel angry?
\n\u00b7 What do you want to do right now?
\n\u00b7 What do you want to change?
\n\u00b7 Who do you feel sorry for?
\n\u00b7 Do you feel discomfort or pain in your body?
\n\u00b7 Can you easily look at the shy person?
\n\u00b7 Can you look at the shy person in the eyes?
\n\u00b7 Do you wish you could help?
\n\u00b7 Do you want to fix this if you could?
\n
\nThe truth<\/span><\/p>\n
\n
\nThis example is like life. We see pain, we see suffering and it hurts.
\nWe respond and our response ironically often prevents us from actually
\nmaking a real difference. In this example, you most likely felt the
\npain and suffering of the shy person. It\u2019s not nice feeling other
\npeople\u2019s pain, because it\u2019s not nice feeling pain full stop! The truth
\nis that we are all so connected to each other that we literally can and
\ndo feel other people\u2019s pain. Like tuning in to their \u201cradio station\u201d,
\nwe hear their sad music in our own bodies. We shrink back at first, we
\ndon\u2019t want to feel it, but when it\u2019s in our face, we don\u2019t know how to
\nstop the pain. Our bodies try to find a solution because we want the
\npain to go away.
\n
\nThe 3 fear \u201cgo away\u201d solutions<\/span><\/p>\n
\n
\nSolution 1: We can try getting numb, switching off our feelings!
\nSolution 2: We can redirect our emotional attention as anger towards the perceived \u201cperpetrator\u201d
\nSolution 3: We can try to fix the source of the pain by trying to \u201chelp\u201d.
\n
\nHow often have you felt these things? And in the long term, do any of
\nthem really work, do any of these solutions make a real difference,
\nwhen coming from this fear or discomfort with pain? No. Because any
\naction born of fear or by trying to evict\/kill\/eliminate something
\ndoesn\u2019t create permanent change.
\n
\nBefore we look at the 4th solution that is not based in fear or a
\n\u201cgo-away\u201d response, let\u2019s get digging into the truth again, so that we
\nhave true awareness about what we do and why we do what we do.
\n
\nThere is no shame in trying to help. Don\u2019t feel bad for being someone
\nwho tries to help. We are all doing the best we can with the tools
\nwe\u2019ve got. But lets get honest and clear, so that have a better shot at
\nactually doing what we say we are doing \u2013 which is making a difference!
\n
\nOn the surface helping feels noble, it looks like we are being \u201cgood\u201d
\npeople, caring people. But let\u2019s go deeper than the surface. Let\u2019s use
\nour example again. When the shy person placed in front of us
\n(representing anyone in our lives that we perceive as suffering) \u2013 we
\nfelt their pain. This reveals that the deeper than surface truth about
\nwhat often drives our desire to help is – we want the PAIN TO GO AWAY,
\nand so we want to fix them to fix us. Don\u2019t let your ego blindfold this
\none. Much of the desire to help others has its roots in wanting to not
\nfeel the pain of others.<\/p>\n
\nshy person feels an entire audience of people\u2019s bodies shouting at them
\nenergetically that they don\u2019t want to feel her pain and that they want
\nit to go away, how do you think she feels? Is she being supported and
\nheld? Or is she being judged and feared? Even if some in the audience
\nare trying to be nice, smiling and trying to soften the harshness of
\nthe experience for her – her body will feel the truth. Her body will
\nhear \u2013 \u201cgo away!\u201d So now, she will not only feel the pain of her
\nshyness, she will now have the added intuitive knowing that she is
\nmaking many others suffer too. She will feel the \u201cgo away\u201d feeling
\nunder the surface of sympathy, under the guise of others wanting to
\nhelp her. She will feel the discomfort of the audience compounding the
\ndiscomfort caused by her inadequacy. So is the audience actually
\nhelping? Even if someone defended her and verbally started telling off
\nthe teacher \u2013 what is the message she is getting, is it helping her to
\ngrow, to be more, and to heal. Even if someone in the audience managed
\nto communicate to the shy lady \u201cI\u2019ll help you, it\u2019s ok\u201d what is the
\ndeeper truth here. Is it helping her or is it helping the audience to
\nfeel better, to feel less powerless, and to ease their discomfort and
\npain?<\/p>\n
\ndiscomfort of being with you, does it work? Do you find yourself
\nbeautifully growing and healing? No. Likely you will sense the
\njudgement, sense that something about you is not being accepted and
\nloved, and this will prompt you to withdraw deeper into the pain and
\nisolation of your wounds.
\n
\nThe \u201cfix it\u201d approach \u2013 pluses and minuses<\/span>
\n
\n\u201cI\u2019m only trying to help you!\u201d sounds loving and kind, but where does
\nit come from? If we are deeply honest, it comes from a place of
\nsuperiority, like a \u201cplus\u201d looking at a \u201cminus\u201d feeling like it must do
\nsomething to help.
\n
\nSeeing another as a minus (as a less than, weaker or smaller than) only
\nreinforces their staying there. The plus person will also feel
\nirritation and anger if the minus person doesn\u2019t \u201cdo what\u2019s best\u201d,
\nbecause then the plus then has to continue to feel the minus\u2019 pain and
\neven carry the burden of the consequences of minus\u2019 actions. Here both
\nloose. The plus takes on the responsibility for another\u2019s happiness
\nlosing freedom and joy \u2013 and the minus is robed of more power and is
\nfurther weakened.
\n
\nRemember that sometimes this approach pretends to work, when the minus
\nchanges to please the plus, but they will do it for approval and to
\navoid the ill feelings they create by not being as the plus wants them
\nto be. Is this real? Is this making a real difference?
\n
\nThe \u201chonour it as it is\u201d approach \u2013 equal to<\/span>
\n
\nOn the other hand, what is it like to be with someone that truly sees
\nyou completely, pain, warts and all, and DOESN\u2019T want to fix you? They
\ndon\u2019t shrink back from your pain; they accept you for where you are and
\nwhat you are. There is no agenda, no hope that you will change \u201cfor
\nyour own good\u201d, no deeper prompting on their part to \u201chelp you\u201d, but
\nrather they see you as being equal to your own issues, to see you as
\nequal to your own life, to see you as a capable adult, as a powerful
\nsoul. They don\u2019t see you as smaller than your destiny or life
\nexperiences. They honour your choices and honour you as you are,
\nwithout subtext. Ironically this may look like a \u201chands off\u201d, powerless
\napproach, but think about which approach ultimately works to facilitate
\ntrue and lasting transformation to make a real difference. Ironically
\nwhen we are loved and accepted we free ourselves of our pain, we heal
\nand we become all that we were born to be!
\n
\nIf the audience watching the shy person held a different perspective in
\ntheir bodies and saw the shy person as \u201cequal to\u201d rather than \u201csmaller
\nthan\u201d her situation, her body would have been feeling a very different
\nmessage from the group. Instead of feeling their discomfort and picking
\nup that they were seeing her as \u201csmaller than\u201d, communicating \u201cgo
\naway!\u201d to her body. She would rather feel them saying \u201cstay\u201d you are
\nseen and accepted, we see you as equal to your experience. Guess what
\nwould happen then? Instead of shrinking before your eyes, she would
\ngrow, she would rise to the experience and you would be making a real
\ndifference to her!
\n
\nWhen helping is hurting<\/span><\/p>\n
\nLight, dark, up down, in out, etc. When you engage in one polarity, you
\nautomatically engage the other (even if you are unconscious to this).
\nThe polarity for helping is hurting.
\n <\/p>\n
\n * The desire to help is motivated by hurt.
\n * When someone is hurting and you try to help, they may feel your
\nhelping as hurt because they have the right to their pain and now you
\nburden them with judgement and with the intrinsic knowing that their
\npain is hurting you. They may accept your help just to not hurt you
\nmore.
\n * By rejecting someone\u2019s help you risk hurting them, especially if
\nthey have any emotional attachments to \u201chelping you\u201d, i.e. they will
\nfeel hurt if you don\u2019t change.<\/p>\n
\nHelping and hurting are co-dependant. They can\u2019t exist without each
\nother. If you believe one, you believe in the other. Don\u2019t pretend that
\nyou can help and not hurt.
\n
\nHelp needs something hurt in order for it to exist. Now strangely hurt
\nneeds help to exist! They feed off each other. They fit. Like 2 jigsaw
\npieces, the indent of hurt, calls for the projection of help to create
\na fit.
\n
\nHealers and therapists, all people who make a living from \u201chelping\u201d,
\nmay find it enlightening and freeing, to be especially conscious and
\naware of this dynamic. For one, doing your work from a place of trying
\nto help creates co-dependency with your clients. You make the client
\nresponsible for your \u201csuccess\u201d and happiness. Because if they don\u2019t get
\n\u201chelped\u201d and change you will feel like a failure and hurt. Does that
\nreally foster the space needed for your clients to heal and be free?
\n
\nHelpers carry the pain of failure<\/span><\/p>\n
\nattached to hoping that our \u201cmedicine\u201d will work for others, we endure
\ncountless losses and failures \u2013 our failure to make the changes we want
\nto see. By trying to change others, we are fighting with truth. And
\ntherefore we will always be ineffective. Why? Because no one can heal
\nanyone or change anyone. Can anyone truly change you without your
\npermission and making the change happen? Only the self has the power to
\nheal the self. If we are honest, we may even feel resentment and
\nbitterness at others not taking our medicine, or not accepting our help.
\n
\nMany talented and gifted people destroy their work and potential to make a real difference, because of their \u201chelping\u201d stance.
\n
\nExternal focus, versus internal focus<\/span><\/p>\n
\nlooking at the focus of your help; you are focused on the other. In
\nthat moment you become entangled in them. You become vulnerable to
\ntheir opinions, and attached emotionally to their success or failure.
\nYou take their stuff personally and you carry their \u201cstuff\u201d with you.
\nThe other person will feel this to. They may even feel the weight of
\nresponsibility for your pain. Not only must they heal for themselves
\nnot, they must heal to make you feel good. The circle of helping and
\nhurting, the co-dependency is now complete. They are trying to help you
\nnow, to make you feel better; they feel guilty about hurting you while
\nyou are being so nice by trying to help them. They either withdraw,
\nfeeling the weight of disappointing you, or they try to change for you!
\nChanging for others is never authentic and ultimately leaves you
\nfeeling a lack of wholeness.
\n
\nIs this what you really wanted? Is this the end that you had in mind
\nfor the person you were trying to help? So know we must ask ourselves,
\nare we really helping by trying to help?
\n
\nWhen we are not comfortable with our own pain or with feelings of
\npowerless, we unconsciously engage in disempowering others by trying to
\nbe responsible for their healing.
\n
\nThe truth, a soul-based solution that actually works<\/span>
\n
\nDo you have the courage to accept people for who they are? It takes far
\nmore real work, real honesty, real healing to do this. In the moment
\nyou feel acceptance, you will know love and freedom. Ironically it is
\nthis place that frees us, heals us, and liberates us to long term
\nchange. It is this place that makes the difference.
\n
\nWholeness is the healed and enlightened us. Wholeness is all of you
\nbalanced, no part forced bigger or trying to be smaller out of fear and
\npain. Wholeness is conscious and aware. Wholeness is the goal of all
\nsoul growth and all healing. It is a still place of freedom, balance,
\npeace and wisdom.
\n
\nIf wholeness looks like a perfect circle then a lack of wholeness looks
\nlike a jigsaw piece with holes. Our souls are whole. When in a human
\nform we react to pain and fear and distort who we are to fit in and to
\nhide parts of ourselves to avoid pain. Be gentle with yourself, the
\nhealing of the jigsaw is not a \u201cfix it job\u201d either!
\n
\nYou don\u2019t need fixing, you need freeing.
\n
\nYou are already whole, your natural state of being is whole. It takes
\ngreat effort and pain to be a jigsaw, to hold parts of yourself back
\nand exaggerate other parts. Remember therefore that other people\u2019s
\njigsaws don\u2019t need fixing either, and the moment you engage in fixing
\ntheir jigsaw from a place of pain or discomfort at their holes, you
\nreveal your holes and take on a jigsaw shape yourself. Then neither of
\nyou are in wholeness! Remember that the other\u2019s true form is also
\nwhole. If they forget the best way to remind them is to BE whole
\nyourself and stay whole while engaging with them. Not easy to do, but
\ndoable and at least it works!
\n
\nIf you think that you are whole but emotionally \u201cneed\u201d in any way for
\nanother to change, you are deceiving yourself. Only holes need and have
\nemotional attachments to any outcomes. An emotional attachment and need
\nfeels disappointment, irritation or judgement about something not
\nchanging. Judgement is seeing something as \u201cbetter\u201d or \u201clesser\u201d, \u201cgood\u201d
\nor \u201cbad. You are coming from a jigsaw place, not a whole place. It may
\nseem strange, but a jigsaw really doesn\u2019t help. A jigsaw perpetuates
\npain, need and holes. Even when it\u2019s \u201chelping\u201d, and \u201cgiving\u201d and
\nlooking kind, this jigsaw is actually trying to heal itself by getting
\nentangled in other jigsaws \u2013 which doesn\u2019t work.
\n
\nWhen you help from your \u2018wholeness\u2019, you won\u2019t give and help like a
\njigsaw does. Jigsaw helping, reinforces holes and prevent wholeness
\ninstead of creating it. Can 2 jigsaws locked into each other\u2019s fit
\ncreate wholeness for each other? \u2013 No.
\n
\nOwn that it is impossible for anyone to make another whole. And the
\nmoment you try to, you always lose your wholeness by becoming a jigsaw
\nyourself. A jigsaw that will actually keep them in their jigsaw place
\nof need and holes and not really make a difference.
\n
\nBut how does a whole, perfect circle make a difference then? How can we
\nall make a difference in the world? Surely we don\u2019t just sit by smugly
\nand watch others suffer by doing nothing?
\n
\nYou can make a difference; in fact you can make a huge difference. It\u2019s just in a way that may surprise you.
\n
\nDoing what actually works<\/span><\/p>\n
\nyet the world still looks the same and pain and suffering are
\neverywhere. Let\u2019s be aware enough to know what really works and what
\ndoesn\u2019t. We can stop putting energy into what doesn\u2019t work and what
\ncreates more pain, and put energy into what actually works and actually
\nhelps.
\n
\nA \u201cwhole circle\u201d looks detached and uninvolved, even uncaring to others sometimes. But it makes more of a difference, it works!
\n
\nHow to make a real difference.<\/span><\/p>\n
\nexaggerated ones, not on others. Work on accepting the judged parts of
\nyourself and others.
\n 2. Take responsibility for your buttons, mirrors and pain.
\n 3. Be internally focussed (you focused) and not externally focussed (other focussed). Is it actually none of your business?
\n 4. Don\u2019t distort your true self to please others \u2013 this is not wrong, it just hurts and you loose your self.
\n 5. By not becoming a jigsaw to help others. Pity, sympathy and
\nwanting to help from a place of \u201cI give the medicine\u201d creates
\nplus\/minus relationships and not equal ones. Be the medicine, by being
\ntrue, whole and by radiating that from your accepting, loving presence.
\n 6. By not wanting others to feed your inner lacks and needs,
\nincluding the need for them to heal or become anything other than what
\nthey are
\n 7. By staying whole, which is true, free and compassionately detached.
\n 8. By seeing the wholeness in others
\n 9. By loving yourself more than needing others to love you
\n10. Sometimes the most loving act is to say \u201cno\u201d and place boundaries
\n11. Sometimes the most loving act is to say \u201cyes\u201d and stay open hearted
\n12. By seeing others as equal to their cocoons, to their pain and struggle
\n13. By not shrinking back, by staying present with love and acceptance
\n14. By being a role model for what is possible
\n15. By DOING from a place of wholeness, which may still look like
\ngiving from the outside but it has no attachment to outcomes, to
\nhelping to avoid hurting, it accepts others choices and others truth.
\n16. Remember that if you try to avoid hurt by helping you create a
\npendulum polarity swing that ultimately makes more hurt. Look hurt in
\nthe eyes, be equal to it and accept it also.
\n17. Express your whole self with joy and love<\/p>\n
\n
\nYou make the most difference in the world by being the whole YOU \u2013
\nwithout masks, without holes, without agenda. Ironically, selfishly
\nlooking after you becomes the way to make a maximum difference to
\nothers.
\n
\nFrom this awareness the thoughts that we started this article with change to\u2026
\n
\nYou see someone in pain; you feel compassion and see them as equal to
\ntheir pain. You love them for their courage and support them by letting
\nthem be in pain.
\n
\nYou look at the world and are in awe at the courage of the souls you
\nsee, and are moved to free more of yourself from pain to peace.
\n
\n\u201cIf only I would listen to me, I have the solutions for me, I know what
\nI should do to heal, to be happy\u201d are the thoughts that run through
\nyour mind finding pathways to free your heart.
\n
\n\u201cMy life has meaning and purpose. I make a difference just by being
\nalive. I\u2019ve done something of significance in the world by working to
\nbe whole\u201d you hear your inner truth fill you.
\n
\nFinal thought<\/span><\/p>\n
\napples. Will an apple tree make apples even if they fall rotten to the
\nground, unwanted and unused? Yes. The orchard is very grateful that the
\napple tree is true enough to itself to express who it is unfettered. In
\nthat way the apple tree makes the difference it was born to make.<\/p>\n
\nitself. And by being true to itself it expresses who it is through all
\nthat it does. It knows it is being true because it feels great joy at
\nmaking apples. It would feel empty trying to make oranges, even if
\npeople were begging for oranges, saying \u201cplease help us we need
\noranges\u201d. By not focusing on externals, by being true to itself, it
\nmakes the most difference.
\n
\nLove yourself free and you will bring the gift of your presence to the world.
\n
\nThat is truly what makes all the difference.
\n
\n
\n*************************
\nLook out for your next lesson \u2026
\n **************************
\nAll my best,<\/p>\n
\nTel: 27 11 708 0000 \/ 708 4942
\nFax: 27 11 708 0962
\nwww.metaphysics.co.za
\nwww.colleenjoypage.com
\n <\/p>\n
\nSpread the word about this free email lesson so that others can also enjoy its great value and many gifts.<\/p>\n
\nI’d love to share more of my tools and skills with you; I specialize in
\ntraining powerful tools like intuition and spiritual self-empowerment
\nwork.<\/p>\n
\nstudy course email reply and we’ll send you more info or visit
\nhttp:\/\/www.metaphysics.co.za\/inner_life_skills_course.htm
\nThis email enjoys copyright and is owned by Colleen-Joy Page
\n**************************<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"