Top 12 Reasons That Gays Should Not Marry<\/p>\n
1. Homosexuality is not natural — you know, much like eyeglasses, polyester, indoor plumbing, and birth control.<\/p>\n
2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. As
\nwe all know, infertile couples and old people shouldn’t be able to get
\nlegally married because, after all, the world needs more children to
\nincrease its population of six billion plus.<\/p>\n
3. Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children — after all, straight parents only raise straight children, right? Right?<\/p>\n
4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage is
\nallowed. I mean, Britney Spears’ 55-hour marital romp was so deep and
\nmeaningful.<\/p>\n
5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed
\nat all, right? (Oops — I kinda forgot about “women are property,”
\n“blacks can’t marry whites,” “only husbands can initiate divorce” and
\n“birth control is illegal.”)<\/p>\n
6. Gay marriage issues should be decided by people, not the courts,
\nbecause the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have
\nhistorically protected the rights of the minorities.<\/p>\n
7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours,
\nthe values of one religion should always be imposed on the entire
\ncountry. That’s why we have only one religion in America — the one
\ntrue religion, you know.<\/p>\n
8. Gay marriage will make people gay — much in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.<\/p>\n
9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy
\nbehavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has
\nlegal standing and can sign a marriage contract.<\/p>\n
10. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model
\nat home. That’s why single parents are forbidden by law to raise
\nchildren.<\/p>\n
11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual
\nmarriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to
\nnew social norms — after all, we haven’t been able to adapt to things
\nlike horseless carriages, or voting women, or doubled lifespans, or men
\nwalking on the moon, cell phones, computers or anything like that.<\/p>\n
12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with
\na different name are better, because a “separate but equal” institution
\nis always constitutional. Separate schools and water fountains for
\nAfrican-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays
\nand lesbians will.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Top 12 Reasons That Gays Should Not Marry 1. Homosexuality is not natural — you know, much like eyeglasses, polyester, indoor plumbing, and birth control. 2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. As we all know, infertile couples and old people shouldn’t be able to get legally married because, after all, the world […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-717","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/717","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=717"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/717\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=717"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=717"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/peacefulhippo.us\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=717"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}