This is only a dream…. snif…

I had moved back home after a terrible life.  My parents had moved in with a widow who I knew as a kid, who had a daughter my age (which appeared to be late teens-early 20s but there was a lot of preteen stuff going on).  I rememered that the daughter had tried to spend time with me when I was younger, and started to talk to her, but all I could do was cry.  Then I started remembering the things we had done together, and what she was wearing at the time, and we started laughing.  I got about the same response from her mother, and her mother got mad at my parents and scheduled a weekend with them, supposedly to “get away from the kids” but she was going to give them what for and stick up for me.  Everything was going to be wonderful.  I asked the girl if she would marry me, if we could just be together for a year before telling or showing anybody and then be engaged for another year.  It sounded like a good idea.  We went back to being friends, there was a lot of kid play and fun.  When our parents went away, a neighbor stayed with us to make sure we’d be OK, and he had a friend whose place we went over to.  More talk, more tears, more laughter, more play.  So much fun that the friend turned into Arnold Schwarzennegger, he started talking German to his friend to keep something secret from us and I used my German to tell him he couldn’t, with more laughter following.  All the tears were cleansing, all the hurts were heard, all the laughter was real, and all the love was real like kids want, not a front for something else.  I couldn’t have had a better dream right now.

The sad part is that I do not remember such a woman or girl, so it can’t come true.  Something I haven’t mentioned to other groups I posted this — the girl was tall, thin, and redheaded, and FEMININE, certainly not my usual type…

And I’m afraid the next woman I try to have a relationship with will give me the old “I don’t need another kid to raise,” speech.