Running out of titles

Yesterday was “fun” at work. The one plebe who has been there more than two weeks was out sick, and the boss had to spend time out of the office. This left two people who barely know their asses from their computer keyboards in charge of the office, too often to be comfortable. As usual, I lived through it.

Today is going to be tough. My sweetie didn’t really have a parent, but her grandmother was the next best thing, and she died a year ago today. We have tried everything we can think of to find friends she can spend the day with, to no avail. She’s just going to have to tough it out.

I don’t know whether I’ve been honest with you about her. I believe she is a wonderful woman, and is going to be very strong some day, but in her current condition there are times I feel like I’m running a care facility. I do most of the dishes and cooking, what little cleaning gets done. She wants to, and she tries to, but she hurts too much in too many ways to do much. I’m hanging on partly for who I know she is, what she has been and will be to me, and for the fact that I don’t know of any care facility which can provide half the care I do. It’s a labor of love, and I love her more every day. But it would really help if we could get her on SSDI — then I would not HAVE to work and we could get better housing and take care of each other better. My going to work is a major strain on her, and you’ve already heard me say what a strain it is on me. I try to downplay how much I’m hurting, but you gotta do what you gotta do and I’m doing it. I hope my sweetie doesn’t read this post, it would make her feel worse and today is certainly not the day for that.

So let’s be clear. I’m not her father, substitute or otherwise. I’m not her care provider, although I often provide her care. I *am* her medical POA and we should get a document making it clear that this includes psychiatric POA. I love her with all my heart. None of what I do for her is a chore, although it is often difficult due to her prior “care” or the lack thereof. And I did not seek this situation out — she will tell you to your face, given a face, that she chased me down and all-but-tackled me. She knows a good thing when she sees it — and so do I. Whatever work I’m doing is going to be worth it. And, most of the time, I know what I’m doing.

Like many of my previous posts, this sounds a lot like someone who is trying to lie to himself. It’s not. It just sounds that way. I’ve been through a lot of crap and I’m always sensitive to that, but everything is going to work out and I’ll be fine.

Hugs,
Me