Overloaded

Well, I wasn’t ready for Harvest, and now I know why. There was just too much. Nothing went badly, I had a great time, but there was too much on my plate.

Yesterday I had to break down camp and load the truck. Among other things, we have a new tent and it is HEAVY. Had Men’s Ritual and Closing Ritual, all of which was wonderful. Honey drove us home, stopping at Arby’s for a turkey sandwich & baked potato. Already wiped out. Got home and had to offload truck. Had some football games on but had no time to watch them — I had to load up the car to go do laundry. Got the car vacuumed while I was there. Went to Kroger for some deli chicken and potato salad. Came home and had to put the clothes away AND pay the rest of our monthly bills (thankful for a paycheck). Could not watch the Broncos even with it on, was just another thing keeping me from getting done.

Now I’m more worn out than I can remember, have to tie up a dozen loose ends, can’t relax to let go of what already happened, still need to fold and put away my underwear, it’s a quarter to midnight, have to get up at 6 am for work… and honey wants honeymaking. And I know that if I say no, either there is a tantrum then or in the morning. So she gets me ready, and then stops to ask me what is wrong. Trust me, I have not been silent as to my challenges, but stopping at that point meant I could not continue. We got things taken care of barely, I feel awful, I feel exhausted, and of course I don’t feel a whole lot better this morning. It would be a good day to stay home…

BUT, I missed 1.5 days of work last week (holiday is unpaid, and had to take honey to disability attorney), AND I just got my letter from SocialSecurity saying they are taking $300 out of my next check to pay my Medicare premium (I lost Medicaid/TennCare due to my earnings at the new job).  So I can’t take any time off and feel good about it.

My shoulders are a tight, nasty mess, I am barely able to keep my eyes open, and I’m typing here and drinking coffee as fast as I can. Hope I don’t have much email to deal with… and haven’t hardly looked at my Facebook all weekend. I have some website responsibilities that have fallen by the wayside for months, and picked up a new one over the weekend.

Sunshine did REALLY well all weekend. I owe her a lot, including a lot more time than I have to give her right now. She interacted with many friends, made new ones, had fewer and less deep panic attacks, and was generally a joy to be around. I just have nothing to give her right now, in terms of time and attention, and I think the above says pretty much why… but that is not good enough, her feelings are that I’m ignoring her. I think we’re getting better, but there is just no way to manufacture time and I just gotta keep going.

Not sure that’s whining. But I would if I had time for it.

Hope everyone has a great day today. And I love my honey.

Hugs,

Me