I’ve been told that my rip of “Every Day of the Year” is not very
good.  I’ll fix it as soon as I can, probably have to take it off
the sites for now.

=====

Caretaking: the act of taking responsibility for other people while neglecting responsibility for ourselves.

When we instinctively feel responsible for the feelings, thoughts,
choices, problems, comfort, and destiny of others, we are caretakers.
We may believe, at an unconscious level, that others are responsible
for our happiness, just as we’re responsible for theirs.

It’s a worthy goal to be a considerate, loving, nurturing person. But
caretaking is neglecting us to the point of feeling victimized.
Caretaking involves caring for others in ways that hamper them in
learning to take responsibility for themselves.

Caretaking doesn’t work. It hurts other people; it hurts us. People get angry. They feel hurt, used, and victimized. So do we.

The kindest and most generous behavior we can choose is taking
responsibility for ourselves – for what we think, feel, want, and need.
The most beneficial act we can perform is to be true to ourselves, and
let others take responsibility for themselves.

“Today, I will pay attention to my actual responsibilities to myself. I
will let others do the same. If I am in doubt about what my actual
responsibilities are, I will take an inventory.”

– Melody Beattie

=====

It’s imperative that we stop feeling so guilty. Much of the time, the
things we feel guilty about are not our issues. Another person behaves
inappropriately or in some way violates our boundaries. We challenge
the behavior, and the person gets angry and defensive. Then we feel
guilty.

Guilt can prevent us from setting the boundaries that would be in our
best interests, and in other people’s best interests. Guilt can stop us
from taking healthy care of ourselves.

We don’t have to let others count on the fact that we’ll always feel
guilty. We don’t have to allow ourselves to be controlled by guilt –
earned or unearned! We can break through the barrier of guilt that
holds us back from self care. Push. Push harder. We are not at fault,
crazy, or wrong. We have a right to set boundaries and to insist on
appropriate treatment. We can separate another’s issues from our
issues, and let the person experience the consequences of his or her
own behavior, including guilt. We can trust ourselves to know when our
boundaries are being violated.

“Today, I will let go of my big and little guilty feelings. Light and love are on my side.”

– Melody Beattie