Category
Sad
I’m really sad. My honey looks at sex the way I did when I was her age, as an expression of love. I’ve had that beaten out of me. I’ve lost it. The sex I’ve had in the past 30 years only had love included as wishful thinking on my part, and years of abuse just leaves me wanting to be held and loved. Which isn’t enough for my honey.
We have all the good stuff a relationship needs, or are working on it. I’ve never loved a woman so much, and never had such good reason to. But I don’t have what she thinks is most important, it has been crushed out of me.
Whine. Now what do I do.
Hugs,
Me
I know this is a very sensitive subject for the two of us, the fact that you are reaching out for assistance shows you care about not only me but yourself. I am feeling that we have come to a major road block and this is not easy for either one of us. I do not want to hurt you. You have been hurt in ways that I could not even imagine or comprehend and would not wish that upon anyone. I am lost for words in that you know that I am a very sexual young lady I crave the affection. I am so scarred that I am going to loose my honey just because I am too “frisky” for him. I dont have many words I try to comfort and assure you that I do love you and it is because I love you so much that I am so attracted to you sexually. I love you honey not sure what to do in our sittuation. I just keep the hope alive that we can work this out so that we both are happy with this sensitive personal topic of sex. Hugs and blessed be!
@asunshine23 – I have nearly 40 years of adult life, during which I started out trying to ignore my childhood abuse and felt about sex the same way you do. It’s hard to forget 40 years of lessons, no matter how much I find that the systems are not working. I wish I could… or find a happy middle ground… our searches for middle ground have not worked yet, maybe soon.
I can totally relate to the two of you. With my physical disabilities, our sex life has unfortunately completely changed. It’s very hard to feel sexually attractive let alone want to have sex with constant diarrhea! There’s just something really unsexy about that! Heehee, plus add pain to the equation, and I’m just fine being held and cuddled with nothing more. My husband on the other hand is more where Sunshine is coming from. His sex drive hasn’t changed and being that we used to be really sexually active, it’s hard on him to have had me pull away in a sense. It’s an area in our marriage where we have totally had to work out a compromise. It’s not that I don’t want it, it’s that I’m not always capable of it. I love him with all my heart and don’t want him to have to give up anything so important to him on account of me, so when he needs it, he will let me know and we mess around together to bring him to completion. I do this for him whether I feel up to it or not. It’s my gift to him. Most of the time I satisfy him and am not up to it myself and that’s ok. He would like to return the favor and I know this. When I am up to it, I let him know. It’s just come down to total communication. Maybe you and Sunshine could work out something similar. Even if you’re not up to it, it’s still a gift to her to give her what she needs. Maybe you could use a vibrator or various toys with her and have major cuddle time afterward. It’s just something the two of you will have to discuss and decide what works for you, but there’s no reason to not have this area of your relationship work out just because of bad past experiences. If you don’t work together and find a situation that works for the two of you, then the bad experiences have won out. I know it’s not easy, but if you could leave the baggage outside the bedroom door and just deal with the situation, you can deal with the feelings outside the bedroom and possibly have a successful sexual relationship. Forgive me if I’ve overstepped my boundaries in making these suggestions, I just know what Papa Bear and I have had to do. The circumstances are different but the situation is similar. My love to both of you!
@Moonlit_Lass – Dearest Megan, NEVER be afraid of overstepping your boundaries with me. If I didn’t want your advice (and Amethyst’s), I wouldn’t post this stuff.Today is better. At least I haven’t started out crying, and my honey was satisfied last night. It’s misty outside, maybe that’s affecting my mood, but at least it’s not gawdawful hot like it has been all summer. I’m glad you and your hubby have worked something out that sorta works. Any man not willing to keep you isn’t worth much, in my opinion. Sunshine has definitely stated she wants to keep me, and has shown it… but the triggers are still being pushed. I keep wanting to get time to relax and BANG there goes another one. It’s getting to where she is beating herself up for “being dumb” for not being able to get it — but at least she’s not triggering me willfully, as has been done lots before.